Corat-Coret

My Short Story

To Mother

I saw a smile from a woman, the sincere smile from a woman that loved me very much. Then, I cried and hugged her. I apologized to her. She asked me to stop crying. She promised me not to go anywhere. She promised me to be there when I need her.  She asked me to be calm and she held my hand for a while. Then two women who wore white clothes pushed my bed. They would take me to a room. My mother hugged me once more before two other women that wore green clothes and green head caps, like shower cap, pushed my bed into a room. It was a white cold room.  I can saw the light of the lamp over my head. The women asked me to be calm and two men came. One of them injected me. I started feeling sleepy. I slept.

***

I was in front of my house. I saw me, myself, a girl with a bright smile. She got ready to go. I could see that she brought two briefcases.  “Is it a dream?” “Yes of course, it is a dream.” “I was in the cold room before and now I can see myself a year ago.” I answer my own question. I saw myself in 2011.

 I was getting ready to go to Bandung. I was a seventeen-year-old girl when I went to Bandung. I was an ordinary girl who came from Yogyakarta. My mother named me Annisa. It was a short name that meant a woman. My friend always called me Nisa. I don’t have any brothers or sisters. I only lived with my mother. I was very happy because I could leave Yogyakarta. No, I meant, I was very happy because I could leave my mother. Actually, I wanted to live separately from my mother because our relationship isn’t too good. Now, one of my dreams came true.

My mother, with her frozen expression, said, “take care honey, don’t forget to call me my sweet Nisa.” “Okay, I will call you. There was a paused. If you are not always busy I will call you mom.” My mother felt guilty. I could saw it from her eyes. Her frozen brown eyes changed to sad eyes. “Don’t cry Mom,” I said to my mother. “Don’t be too sad, we met rarely, don’t we? So, there is no problem if I leave you alone in Yogyakarta.” “Yes, you are right sweetie, take care don’t forget to call me,” she tried to smile. However I know that she was very sad. She let me go and saw my car disappear.

***

I was under the mangoes tree, in front of my house, saw the black car went away from my house. The seventeen-year-old Nisa was in that car. I ran to catch that car. Surprisingly, when I thought about the black car, I moved into that car. I sat beside the girl with a bright smile who wore a yellow t-shirt. I could see her texting some messages but he couldn’t see me.

Now, the environment changed. I wasn’t in the car anymore. I was in the yard seeing a girl that I know very much looked sad. She is me. She stared at a girl that went away from her. The girl looked very happy. I remembered at that time Kisi, my best friend in the college, left me alone when I wanted to tell her a story. She became busier since she had a boyfriend. I felt lonely.

Kisi was my best friend. She wasn’t only a friend for me but also a mother. At the first, I was very happy because I thought Kisi could replace a figure of a mother. However, I knew that I couldn’t always depend on Kisi. She had her own life. I knew that a friend couldn’t replace a family. Now, I missed my lovely mother so bad.

I was surprised hearing someone cried near me. “Who is crying?” asked I to myself. I realized that now I wasn’t in the yard anymore. “Where is it?” “Oh I know this room!” I answer my own question. This was my room in Bandung. I could see the blue wall, the color that I loved very much. I saw a photograph on my table. In that photograph Kisi and I laughed. We looked very happy. Suddenly, I heard the sound of the crying become louder and I looked for the sound.

I saw a seventeen-year-old Nisa in the corner of the room. See sat holding her knees. She stared at the paper near the photograph. It was the laboratory check up result that showed that she suffered brain tumor. At that time, she decided to call her mother and told her about this condition. I remembered, my mother and I could only cry at that time.  My mother decided to go to Bandung on the next day.

Now, I wasn’t in my room in Bandung anymore. The environment had changed. I saw myself held my mom’s hands. I cried and apologized to her. It was the time before I was operated. In front of the operation room I could see my mother. “I’m sorry mom, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I repeated those words as many as I could. Suddenly, everything became dark, I could hear a woman called my name, “Nisa ,Nisa, Nisa.”

I wake up from my long dream and saw the face of my mother. I was very happy and hugged her.  I’m so sorry mom, I’m…. My mother stopped my words. “Don’t tell about those words anymore sweetie,” she smiled. My mother told me that the operation was successful. I showed that there was a strange expression on my mother’s face. However, I didn’t want to ask about that. I said that I want to take a rest and asked my mother to eat. Suddenly the doctor came to check my condition.

***

Nisa had already changed and she showed that she loved me very much. Seven days, after the operation she asked me to slept near her and she told me about her dream when she was being operated. She said, “I am very lucky to have you as a mother, Mom.” I cried, “me too Nisa, I’m very lucky to have you….” “Don’t cry Mom, I want to sleep,” she interrupted. She slept. I could see the smile on her face. When I held Nisa’s hands, I was shocked. She was very cold. I cried and call her name, “Nisa! Wake up sweetie, Wake up!" 

Samsung Utopia S5610

Samsung Murah dengan Kamera 5mp

Samsung Utopia ini sudah mengusung jaringan 3G dengan kecepatan 7,2 Mbps, kamera 5 mp dengan smile detection, auto focus dan flash LED. Selain itu hp ini juga sudah dilengkapi dengan kamus bahasa inggris. Hp ini cocok untuk anak usia sekolah apalagi yang suka foto. Dengan harga Rp 999.999,00 per maret 2012 anda sudah dapat menikmati hasil kamera yang bagus. Kekurangan hp ini adalah tampilan menu yang standard bahkan mungkin tidak cukup menarik. 

Untuk informasi selengkapnya silahkan klik link di bawah ini :

http://www.hparena.com/samsung-s5610-hp-kamera-5-mp-hsdpa-harga-satu-jutaan.html

Warna-Warni Corby 2

Corby 2

Samsung Corby 2 merupakan hp samsung yang ditujukan untuk pasaran anak muda. Terdiri dari 3 pilihan warna pink, putih, dan kuning hp ini cukup menarik hati, termasuk adik perempuan saya yang tertarik dengan si pink ini. Ponsel keluaran Maret 2011 ini dibandrol dengan harga kurang lebih Rp 800.000,00 per maret 2012. Kamera ponsel ini hanya berkekuatan 2 mp tapi telah dilengkapi oleh smile shutter. Selain itu anda akan merasa cukup puas dengan teknologi layar sentuhnya karena sudah dilengkapi dengan capacitive touchscreen. Saya rasa dengan harga yang terjangkau ponsel ini cukup mumpuni apalagi untuk anak sekolahan.  

Corby Pink yang diincer adek saya :

Pilihan warna Corby

Coba klik link ini untuk mengetahui spesifikasi lengkapnya :

http://www.gsmarena.com/samsung_s3850_corby_ii-3765.php

Sony Ericsson Xperia Mini

Si Mungil Dengan Spec Tak Biasa

Sony Ericsson Xperia Mini adalah ponsel android ter-mini di dunia. Walaupun mini tapi spesifikasi yang dimiliki oleh si mungil ini tidak bisa diragukan. Sudah dua mnggu terakhir ini saya mencari info tentang ponsel ini. Dengan harga sekitar Rp 1.775.000,00 per maret 2012 ponsel ini menyuguhkan banyak fitur menarik. Saya sungguh jatuh hati dengan ponsel mungil ini, terlebih yang berwarna putih. Walaupun layarnya cuma 3 inchi saya cukup puas dengan fitur yang disediakan. Lagi pula saya memang lebih suka dengan ponsel mungil dari pada yang berlayar besar. Semoga saya jodoh dengan si mungil ini,hehe.

Untuk spesifikasi Sony Ericsson Xperia Mini dapat dilihat di:
http://www.gsmarena.com/sony_ericsson_xperia_mini-3947.php#

Draft 2 Writing

The first sentences of my writing

I saw a smile from a woman, the sincere smile from a woman that loved me very much. Then, I cried and hugged her. I apologized to her. She asked me to stop crying. She promised me not to go anywhere. She asked me to be calm and she held my hand for a while.

The Elaboration of the choice of my from of writing, summary, and work consulted

I want to write a short story about family. I choose to write a short story because I have made an essay about family. Thus I want to write about family in another writing form. The short story will be about a seventeen-year-old girl named Annisa. She is only an ordinary girl. She is not too smart but she always tries harder to achieve her dream. However, Annisa doesn’t have a good relationship with her mother. She always thinks that her mother is not good enough. She thinks that her mother is too busy with her work and doesn’t care with her. One day, she can achieve one of her dream. She can go to school in the different town and can leave separately from her mother. She is very happy. Unfortunately she finds that living separately from her mother as not easy as she has imagined.  Now, she knows that friends can’t always help her. We need our parents. The conflict comes when she knows that she suffers tumor. At that time, she feels that nobody cares about her condition. She even doesn’t tell anyone that she suffers tumor. She feels lonely, until one day her mother knows about Annisa’s sickness. Her mother always gives motivation to her. In that time, Annisa knows that her mother has loved her very much. She feels guilty to her mother and she apologizes to her mother.  The story will start in the hospital, when Annisa will be operated. When she is being operated, she dreams. I will tell the story through Annisa’s dream. She will dream about her experiences living separately from her mother. The story will end when her operation finishes. My mother has inspired me to write this story.  She is the best woman that always listens to my story.  Thus I love her very much. Ibu, the Trans TV program that shows about sacrifices of mothers also has inspired me. This program shows that every mother love their children. The book from A.Fuadi , Negeri 5 Menara, has helped me to make the story about someone who lives separately from family.

Word Count : 355

Work Consulted

1.      My mother

2.      Ibu, The Trans TV program

3.      Negeri 5 Menara by A. Fuadi

4.      My essay, Even A Call is Very Meaningful for Me, it tells about my experiences living separately from my family

5.      Soulmate by Deepak Cophra, I get a good quote from this novel, I think that it is appropriate for my short story

Future References

1.      “Love isn’t something you feel. It is something you become.” Soulmate By Deepak Chopra

2.      “Trust should be like feeling of a one year old baby when you throw him in the air , he laughs, because he knows you will catch him ; that is trust.” ("Confidence, Trust & Hope," 2007) ; from my essay.

Question

1.      Can I tell the story from the dream of Annisa?

2.      What do you think about my story?

3.      What should I do to make this story more interesting?

4.      Has the using of “I” in this story been correct? Or Should I change it to “she”?